Mystical Horoscopes
Our truly magical seer of the west looks into the stars and tells what things of import hold forth this week.
The sun sets slowly, dim wintry skies, holiday baloney, bows and ties. The wide world spins, on eccentric poles. The cold winter wins, but look for loopholes.
Aries – Can’t find it, look behind the refrigerator. Go to the movies, alone. Be solicitous. Don’t call him, he’ll call you. A spinning whine, tires on ice maybe? Forever and ever, amen. Cluster headaches, but not for you.
Taurus – Startled. Take the chance. Physical low biorhythm. Meat, wink and be hairy. Hide emotions. Something floating, hovering, drifting. A plain mealy grit. Withered and spare.
Gemini – Open your eyes, no regrets. Offensive. A limit to everything. Pamper those you love. A deep metallic blue ornament or globe. Rush of cold air, in nostrils. Touching neglect.
Cancer – The virtue of patience. Reveling in warm laundry. You may get the flu. Relax, no anxiety. Blasted science. An overdose of dumbness in a politician or political figure. Some motorized toy. Fruitcake.
Leo – Get it out of your system, it’s probably inevitable, don’t hope for too much. Give in. Draw or sketch or doodle. Palms. Airplane, noticeable. Friggin sloppy beast. Too much salt.
Virgo – Face reality, before it’s too late. Ice skating. Shoes that are beat or need resoling. A pleasant bonhomie or halcyon moment, but subdued. Red, happy lights. Be hesitant, but not overcautious. Do Believe!
Libra – Fried bananas. Don’t hold it against her. Try something unfamiliar. Put it in your pocket. No way Jose. Nickels, old. Careless in the groceries. A swishing skirt, girl-like and joyous. Some bent metal.
Scorpio – Cook a solo feast. Take your dog. Appreciate what y0u have. Open your mind and heart. Rasty. Technical issues you should lay on yourself. Wooden, the grain of wood, specifically the rough cool texture that warms to the touch, like a wall or chair arm, could be.
Sagittarius – Don’t always be so sincere. Take bagpipes for instance. Psychedelic underwear. Generosity. A fudgesicle? Loud sincere boom, or rumble. Soft velvet, maybe fleece. Carmine, Canine? These terrible twwos.
Capricorn – Read some kiddie lit, Shel Silverstein say. Peer leakage. Have no doubts, your ideas are sound. Butterscotch. That feeling after the whole world changes, like crashing the car. A lap cat.
Aquarius – Three down, one to go. Call grandparent. Forgo shaving. Think brontosaurus. Relive the past. A warm cup that spreads. Master of the remote. Nuts, nuts and more nuts. A plateful of platitudes, insincere. Rolling erratically.
Pisces – I’m just standing in a doorway. Oops, anyone can make a problem. Flannel PJ’s. Blame the innocent. Cramped, crowded. The scent of Tabu. Money problems, oh man, money problems.