Blame a Republican

The divide between the rich and the poor in the world continues to widen and the cause is, Republicans. A recent study by the Global Council for Economic Parity searched for the underlying causes of inequality among the twelve richest developed countries and the forty poorest countries and came to the startling conclusion that the principal cause of the gap between the rich and poor is the American Republican political party. Founded in 1839 by steel industry magnates and stockholders of several of agricultural monopolies seeking to lock up banana production and the shipping and rail lines, the Republican party has a long and sordid track record of persecuting indigenous peoples and the enrichment of silk suited nabobs. It’s true successes have been its ability to maintain the efficiencies of its programs during periods when Democrats have held the nation’s highest offices and squandered taxpayers precious golden discs on lavish soirées to fete the bodacious booty of Beyonce and Michelle. Republicans, through obstreperous obstruction and a unique ability to coin catchphrases, won the hearts and minds of both those enriched and impoverished by their policies. The rotund, top-hatted Monopoly mogul is as enamored of his golden goose as is the overalled dirt lot mechanic with the painted plywood signs expounding upon his moral eccentricities. The study found that the party had tentacles reaching into the farthest corners of the world, pandering to the world’s most psychologically depraved leaders and snatching every copper farthing from the starveling voiceless unwashed.