Boko Haram to Sell Captives, Sterling Orders Dozen

Boko Haram, Nigeria’a gang of backward thugs, has indicated it will sell the teenage schoolgirls it kidnapped to help finance its operations. Haram spokesman Amil Bigman told The Yellow Press that already they have grown tired of their captives and wish to sell them on the open market so they may buy ammo, new ak47’s, Game Boys and better cell phones that they may better operate their war against civility. “These girls, they cry constantly and they wish to eat and they do no work.”, Amil said; “We wish to sell them as many of our soldiers want to have the Iphones that can play the games and the music. It is a morale issue, our soldiers want to spread the word of evil and they do not do it well when they are unhappy. The girls, they make them unhappy by asking for their food, and their mothers. We wish to sell them and a man named Sterling has said he will take a dozen if they can be pretty. Also a man named Cliven has asked if they can be made to tend cattle and so we have many offers.”

The world has widely condemned the actions of the Boko Haram and efforts are underway to negotiate their release, but Nigeria is a strife torn country with little organized leadership where gang rule is the norm and violence widespread.