“All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.”
by Schmidt

Fried Eggs Are The Bomb


One thing right off the bat. Poached eggs, and the people who eat them, are insipid bores. So are their effete pretentious cousins of dubious incestuous parentage, the soft boiled ehgsters with the gilded cups and tiny crackpot spoons. Get it straight, when discussing consumption of the worlds favorite ovum the best way to prepare it is hard fried, followed closely by the omelette and the scrambling. Hard frying in a salubrious oil, like olive, butter or sesame, brings out the crispy goodness on the albumen, or white, and it is only when the yolk is that light chalky yellow that it is at its most tasty. Use a cast iron frypan for the task, cracking and releasing the liquid innards into the sizzling oil, apply a liberal scattering of fresh ground black pepper, (Wars have been fought over the stuff.), fry until all the white is gelled then flip and fry some more until the white periphery becomes a crisp caramel brown and the yolk is done through and through. Spatula the little devil into a plate alongside some extra spicy sausage patties and a couple of slices of white rye toast with orange marmalade and you are eating better than King Richard the third did during all the Punic wars.

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