The 2016 presidential race is underway and it’s about to get ugly. Iowa, where every candidate worth his bribes begins the contest has seen its first wave of worthy, and not so much so, adversaries launch their hats into the ring. One fresh face, or not so much so, is independent Ugg Rustic, a paleogrunt who would like to see things go back to much simpler times, when it was every ape for himself, a stout club was a much needed part of a clods portmanteau, not just a fashion accessory and a fellow could lean on his own eight knuckles.
Ugg Rustic, of parts unknown but most definitely an American citizen, advocates for a healthy slab of raw mastodon meat daily, the dragging of women about by their longhairs, the silence of children and lesser peoples, suspension of rules, regulations and cooperation in any way, shape or form and the establishment of strong campfires and stone tools. He indicates it is important to fight back the intrusion of traveling clans in order to maintain the integrity of the tribe and if given the proper authority will protect the cave against all enemies both foreign and domestic. He suggests that if elected he will build up a strong arsenal of many sized stones and some sticks and limbs of varied sizes for the purposes of defense. To remain ever vigilant he will require the youth of the group to scale the areas tallest trees and rocky outcrops and monitor the comings and goings of all manner of beasts, of those not of his own.
While unaffiliated he has professed a strong admiration for a self proclaimed mother grizzly and would throw in with her camp if she could keep quiet enough and not throw the others into a dither.