Surprise Your Valentine With 50 Shades of Grey

Valentines Day should be special. This year 50 Shades of Grey, the book, movie and theme, not so much the selection at the old folks home, are all the latest rage. The Yellow Press has assembled a list of ways you can make this Valentines Day extra special using some simple tricks and props that anyone can afford to enjoy.

• First and foremost establish a good safety word. Common words and phrases like “Oh!”, “No!”, “Please Stop!” and “Let Go Of My Knickers!” are not appropriate for this sport and take all the fun out. Use an obscure phrase like “Caveat Emptor!” instead.
• Scarves can be used as both blindfolds and binders. Make sure your furnishings have good sturdy attachment points and that the knots are secure and the scarf used has adequate tensile strength. Practice your knots of the dog but be sure to untie him before the postman comes.
• Whips should be as long as possible and made of a suitable latigo or rawhide. A whip’s sharp crack is actually the sound the end makes as it goes faster than the speed of sound and quality leather is always appreciated.
• Whipped cream is much cheaper at the warehouse stores. Get the aerosol can, no one wants to mess with a spoon and a tub at times like this.
• No need to spend money on handcuffs, zip ties are handy and cheap.
• Thrift stores are good places to get costumes. Pre-snip at critical places to make them easier to rip.
• Dollar stores are good for pot scrubbers, whisks, ladles, hot dish mats and other handy kitchen tools.
• Get a full block of ice from the supermarket, the small cubes don’t last.
• Practice sticking your tongue straight out, left, right, up, down.
•  Remember this is a marathon, not a hundred meter dash.

With these handy tips your “50 Shades of Grey” Valentine celebration should be a spanking success.