Smoke Em If Ya Got Em

Bad boy with the bowl haircut, Kim Jong Un, supreme hypocrite of North Korea realizes he has a problem and has hired an Brit to fix it. The man in fatigues has enlisted the  help of anti tobacco advocate Judith Mackay, a physician and longtime anti-smoking advocate to wean his countrymen off the little smoldering sticks. Smoking in Asia is rife, and male North Koreans have embraced the nasty little habit to the point where 53% of them are at risk for catching fire in their sleep if dropping butts. Oddly, the rate of women who smoke is negligible, and registers at less than 1%, if statistics coming out  of the country are to be believed, and that’s a stretch. The big man himself, Kimmy-boy, is a fan of the habit and it’s rumored his recent absence from public view had much to do with the nicotine itch as well as other depravities that laid him lower than his usual state.

Judith Mackay is a vocal denigrator of the stinky spliffs and has been waging battle against the morally ambiguous dependency for decades in Asia. Tobacco, a new world vice, America is where all the really good vices originate, ask anyone, was introduced to the Asian continent in World War II as a substitute for opium, who all inhabitants of the continent smoked with reckless abandon. The war department encouraged GI’s to smoke, and to provide them to the population in an effort to both cure the people of the indolence of the opium stupor so they could concentrate on not allowing the Nazis to take over and thus monopolize the Kimchi supply as well as to further boost the American economy by funneling revenues into the suffering RJ Reynolds company, whose revenues had fallen with the restriction of sulfur, used in matches at the time.

It is estimated that the continent of Asia is responsible for the consumption of roughly 87% of  the worlds brightleaf tobacco products, excluding chaw, which is predominantly consumed by rodeo cowboys and residents of Macon County, Georgia, and that a possible motive for Kim Jong Un’s efforts may be his fear of embargo should the US and North Korea come to blows.