Coffee Is Miracle Drug

coffee drinker yellow pressCoffee is so good for you it should be declared a miracle drug says the AMA. Yup, no less auspicious an organization than the American Medical Association has stated that the benefits of coffee are so astounding it should be given to everyone for it’s health benefits. Scientifically proven to prevent liver cancer, it’s also good for your skin. It improves your energy level, well duh, and makes you smarter to boot. It keeps dementia and Alzhiemers  disease at bay, back damned dementia, aroint dastardly Alzheimers, ye begone. It burns fat, burn baby burn. The stuff thwarts type two diabetes, yes, thwarts it, have a cup, have two, have some more, no sugar please, sweet and low. It’s good and tasty that elixir from the leaching of the burn-ned beans, I like it. It’s got some anti-oxidants, like we even know what those are but they do say they are important, perhaps even good for us but I don’t get it like I like me some oxygen myself, especially just after a rain when the air is ripe and plentiful with the stuff, but mayhaps they mean anti like oxidants, like rust and it’s better to burn out than rust away but fire is oxidation too. Prevents colorectal cancer too, nobody wants that. Fights depression and makes you happier, gotta like that, happy happy happy, joy joy, I like coffee better than tea i like the java jive and it really likes me, the coffee not tea, the java please see your way to bring a cup a cup a cup. It may mitigate the effects of alcohol, because it like coats your liver and forms a barrier against cirrhosis, that nasty liver disease that give old alkis big pockmarked noses and wastes away their posteriors till they no longer fill the back of a pair of pants and a belt hardly holds them up and they have to use their hands and shamble off down the street with a tin cup. Coffee good, booze very bad, verry verry bad. Do you really want to turn yellow? Coffee improves your physical performance, like those mud men in the Amazon that get all hopped up on caffeine and race around huffing poison darts at little bitty monkeys way up high in the tree tops for days or weeks on end till they get one and cook it up and the whole village eats it and then they get some more caffeine and go out and do it again and they are all scrawny and muscular with bones in their noses and could snatch a fly right outta mid air and you or I could never do that unless we drank like a whole pot of french roast and practiced. Coffee has vitamins too, lookit up, riboflavin and niacin and the like. Drink some every day. It burns fat, was that mentioned, burns it, the fat, burns it right up, again the scrawny muscular mud men. Coffee might even prevent Parkinson’s disease. And it tastes good, open a can and smell it, how can it not taste good with that full heady aroma, ahhh. It leads me not unto heart disease and delivers me amelioration from the incidence of stroke. It brightens my morn and causes me to walk among green fields adorned with bright flowers. I heightens the sprinkling of snowflakes upon mine red cheeks. It is the stuff, nay the beverage of the gods. And yay when I turn on the espresso machine every morn I shall live longer for the many benefits it yields me and badnesses it blockades.

So grind it baby grind it and steam some up and put it in a cup cause I just can’t get enough of that luscious tasty stuff.

DavidW - Publisher

Raised in obscurity and completely entranced with the notion that we should live our lives with the same valuable ethic that a conscientious hiker would, leaving no trace.

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