Feeding The Homeless

Ticketed for feeding the homeless population of San Antonio, Texas, chef and alleged humanitarian Joan Cheever is claiming it is her religious right to do so. For the past ten years Cheever has proffered quality, nutritious meals to the local homeless population from her mobile food truck. the ‘Chow Train’ much to the chagrin of the local restaurant owners who would like to see her stop the practice. “The problem is these people, (the homeless), no longer have any incentive to apply for jobs as busboys, waitresses and dishwashers at our establishments.” says diner owner Sludge McFoodle. “In the past these rejects were the mainstay of our workforce. We paid em a few bucks, for Ripple and such, let them eat as much of the plate scrapings and spoilage as they wanted and the system was in balance. They never had so much money they could get in much trouble, they slept warm and dry in our dumpsters and we didn’t worry about filing 1099’s on them because they usually only stayed a week or two.” he added. “But now, with all these do-gooders  feeding them and educating them about minimum wages and rights and stuff they have become more of a nuisance. Just the other day I asked my new dishwasher to help clean the grease filters above the grill and he tells me it’s not in his job description. Now the kid is a full thirteen years old, nimble as a cat, he always manages to duck the knives I throw too close to him when we are practicing at the back door and my aim is off, and I know he can hop up on the grill and  do the job. Plus I put down some egg cartons for him to stand on so his Keds wouldn’t melt and mix in with the hash browns. But ‘No.’ this kid says, he’s the son of the woman living out in the Chevy Suburban in my back parking lot who sometimes to waits tables for me, ‘No.’ says he, ‘Wait till later when it’s slow and you can turn off the grill and do it yourself. Last time the egg cartons caught fire and scorched my pants legs.’ That’s what he says to me, the boss. I can’t even get him to reach into the disposer and take out the broken glass unless he can shut off the breaker for it at the panel.” McFoodle added. “Worse yet all this talk about a $15 an hour wage is gonna kill my business. How can I pay someone $15 an hour when I barely pay my accountant and livery driver that much. If it wasn’t for the good prices I get for horsemeat I’d have to sell my houseboat on Lake Mead. So this giving chow to the homeless is hurting my business all over. Plus these homeless are multiplying like rats now that we’re feeding them. Just the other day I saw a whole family of them dragging off some cardboard  boxes and setting up camp behind the muffler shop. How tacky. And I get my car fixed there”