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New Reporter, Ron Lewis

salgir — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 19:40:21 +0000

The Yellow Press, The World’s Least Respected News Source welcomes Ron Lewis to it’s staff as cub reporter.

Below is an example of his wry sense of humor.

If lamb is spelled with a ‘b’ why isn’t ham spelled hamb?

Pity the poor immigrant in his first English language class that has Ron for an instructor

Who’s Slinging Babies?

DavidW - Publisher — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 17:23:52 +0000

It’s a sad commentry on the state of our civilization. This headline, “More than 1 million baby slings recalled.” Just what kind of society are we where not only are people sliinging babies, but over a million devices with which to do it have been sold? This reporter finds it appaling that the activity has been going on for a long time, and is only now coming to light as the devices made to sling these infants have been proven to be defective. In what other f the developed nations has anyone ever slung a child? Shouldn.t this activity be banned outright.

We at The Yellow Press ask our readers, Had you heard of this before? How do you feel about it?

Bosses All Liars

DavidW - Publisher — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 04:05:04 +0000

Ask any man that works for a living, that is someone who uses both his back and his brain and he’ll tell you he didn’t need a scientific sdtuy to prove it, it’s just a simple fact; the boss is only the boss because he’s q better liar than anyone else. But we now have the study anyway, and it proves that not only are they better liars, they have no conscience about it and thusly, are even better liars, ad infinitum.

This study, from the Columbia School of Business verifies that people in power have fewer compunctions about stretching the truth and give out fewer clues to their perfidy and that it is almost in direct correlation to thier lack of conscience and the amount of power they wield.

Professor Dana R. Carney, who studies social judgment and decision making, noticed that in a different area of scientific study, psychologists have observed that power — defined as control over others’ social or monetary outcomes and always accompanied by feelings of power — enhances cognitive functions and makes people feel good. The effects of feeling powerful are precisely the inverse of those that most people experience when they lie.

The study discovered that not only were the liars more apt to be in the positions of power but that simply putting a person in a position of power led them to become a better liar. Much like other experiments that have shown that when an authority figure condones pathological behavior people feel free to perform actions that would otherwise become unconscionable, this study proves that merely vesting power in an individual, corrupts them.

It is the opinion of this reporter that you should never trust a suit, (or a uniform, especially if it’s one of those medal covered green ones favored by South American dictators), even if you are the one wearing it.

Gas Pedal Stuck?

DavidW - Publisher — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 07:47:55 +0000

What to do when the gas pedal sticks. Of course it wouldn’t be a big deal if most drivers weren’t incorrigible leadfoot, stomp on the gas, mash the brake, fail to signal, hang on, think I dropped my (cellphone, sandwich, lipstick, magazine, baby) kinda drivers anyway. After all, if the gas pedal was only a little depressed, no, we won’t go there, there would be ample time to kill the ignition, use the brakes, steer it calmly out of harms way, bail out at low speed, and/or hand off the baby.

Heck yeah Toyota has to shoulder some blame, and pay for the changes, but maybe this is a good time to get a grip on the big issues of piloting an automobile.

Facts:

Nothing is perfect, least of all an extraordinarily complex machine.
All of Murphy’s Laws can be applicable in any given instance.
It is the pilots responsibility to ascertain the road worthiness of the vehicle.
People rarely weigh over three hundred pounds.
A horsepower is defined as the ability to lift 550 pounds one foot off the ground in one second.
A lawnmower engine rarely is rated below 3 horsepower.

What’s your hurry? It’s not like hell is gonna run out of parking spaces.

Somewhere out there is a Toyota driver, mad as heck but driving a car that would never, ever have had a gas pedal problem and he’s wondering if he can get in on some class action suit, and use the money t0 get a Corvette and some Rogaine and he thinks he’s a great driver as he passes on the right, rolls through a right on red and blames the whole darn world for their selfish thoughtless ways, manufacturing a lemon. Yep, he shoulda hung on to that fine American hunk of Corvair iron.

Politicians Are All Alike

DavidW - Publisher — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 03:35:12 +0000

The city manager of Black Diamond, a Seattle suburb apparently was the right guy for the job, they hired him and then did the backcground check. What they could discover, when he wasn’t trying to block thier efforts, seems to be perfectly appropriate for a person in charge of the public trust, as per our opinion.

Read the whole story here and then feel free to comment or tell us about your own fine examples of representative public officialdom.

It must be something genetic. Power corrupts, or along those lines. Maybe we should actually be a little forgiving because although it seems like all those attracted to a political life turn out to be peeping toms or pervs, at least they don’t seem to go postal and waste people like your average blue collar worker, or wait, maybe they do too.

Microsoft Patents Disabilities For Gamers

DavidW - Publisher — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 02:16:38 +0000

That’s a fact jack, the wizards at the big software company everyone loves to hate have linked your real world phsical attributes, (as determined by banks of computers sifting through all the data in the cloud), to the character you will be able to chose when playing the latest action games on that shiny new Xbox. Think you have the heft to pick up that 50cal machine gun and run full tilt through the mazes of the underworld with a hundred siths hot on your tail? Not if you are really some pimply faced ninety pounder wwho can barely lift a full glass of milk. Them siths are gonna feast on your meager entrails.

Hey fatboy, try huffing around those virtual worlds now that your corpulent ass has been identified by Microsoft software and not only made your lardbutt a part of your gaming avatar, but restricted your abilities in grand theft auto to where you can only get in and out of a stolen car in a little over a minute and a half.

It really is a stroke of genius, linking all the info about you on the web to every character you chose for gaming, after all the info is out there, and it could serve as healthy inspiration. But if you are a homely dirt brown brunette who longs to conquer new worlds and protect the worlds antiquities, better not try to be Lara Croft, you’ll end up a flat, two dimensional imitation.

Seriously though, the development could have some real value. What if they linked it to your automobiles abilities? No more mousey housewives hogging the road in behemoth SUV’s, no more little old ladies from Pasadena blowing by you at speed, no more dimwits passing on the right when someone is turning left. This author has always thought vehicles should be assigned by physical and mental capabilities. Young, agile, buff? You get a Viper. That old fart that actually has one, he gets a Geo. And the author of this article, well, I’ve been on foot now for a couple of years.

News Flashes – Nazis, Stoners, Tigers, and Thiefs, oh my

DavidW - Publisher — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 16:48:22 +0000

Thought the haircut wars were over, well nothings really ever over in Texas. Seems even preschoolers aren’t immune from the kindergarten attitudes of the people who run the schools in that state.

Gimme a half gallon of milk to go with those brownies, and a bag of Cheetos, and another bag of Cheetos, and maybe another bag of Cheetos.

Tiger Woods has been named as the AP’s athlete of the decade, joining the ranks of other famous individuals, like Wilt Chamberlain.

Why pay for cable when you can get the channels cheap by running a cable nextdoor, or why buy a $35 million drone when you can see what it sees for $25?

Interesting Sara Palin Update

DavidW - Publisher — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 16:07:17 +0000

You don’t talk to Sarah unless she talks to you first. Just one of the recent gleanings from observations about our current celeb politico.

Another – Wherever she goes they take the tomatoes away so they can’t be used as objects of commentary, (but they leave the cans of green beans on the shelves, and we’re talking those big, industrial Costco size cans.)

One more – Make sure you get the money first. Seems people in a hurry might forget the little things, like making good on payment.

Reference – Salt Lake City Tribune

Watson Lakes Hike, Noisy-Diobsud Wilderness

DavidW - Publisher — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 21:52:13 +0000

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Took the day off for a late fall hike in the Noisy Diobsud wilderness area of Washington state. A beautiful day, began crisp and cold before dawn, driving up from Whidbey through Anacortes, Sedro-Wooley and on up over the Baker Lake dam to where the trailhead was lightly frosted and remnants of the last days snow still lingered. Setting off through old growth forests, open meadows bursting with wild blueberries, don’t step in the bear poop, and on to Anderson lake for a look see before making our way over to Watson Lakes and spectacular views of the Picketts Range. This hike is short, moderately hilly and now on my top ten day hikes.

Free Land In America

DavidW - Publisher — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 18:34:45 +0000

Free land in America? You bet, but like everything else it has a catch. There is land available free in every state in the United States, you just have to know who to ask. Sometimes you can’t do much with it but what the heck, it’s yours, and you can say you own it. We’ll show you where and how you can get your hands on some at the end of the article, and yes it really is free real estate.

But first a bit of history and education. American land has really always been free, free for the taking anyway. The token sums often paid for it were more for easing the conscience of the more officious, paper wielding aggressors than they were for those trespassed against. In their innocence the original inhabitants of this country, mistakenly called Indians because the invading horde really didn’t have a clue as to where they really were, didn’t understand that the land could be owned, they thought it was shared by everyone. Nor did they comprehend that a scrap of paper with symbols had any power any more than planting a few survey stakes did. But there was only so much land and trinkets, iron knives and glass beads were scarce so, sure, they made a deal, a raw deal, but, easy enough to move to the other side of the island.

Indeed there was so much land that even after all the governments and nations had made their deals and even after the land had been sold in large lots back and forth between them they found it necessary to give some of it away just so the wind didn’t take it back. The hills, prairies, streams and mountains were given away to hardy homesteaders either for free or at prices of not much more than a loaf of bread per acre. (Back when bread was cheap.) Soon enough all that was left was the land that was wicked worthless and barren, and even some of that was too poor for the native peoples to want.

But the land still had some value, if one was willing to dig it out. Mining claims allowed anyone with enough gumption to erect a shack and extract enough value, any amount over a negative number, to own the land the claim was on. Proving up on a mining claim was a handy way to become a landowner until most of the loopholes were more or less closed up in the early 1980′s.

So one would think that the days of free real real estate in America are no more, but they’d be wrong. A bit of sniffing about shows that all kinds of land is still available for gratis, free, sin questa, por nada, zilch, zero, zip. We aren’t going to tell you everything we know, a little effort on your part will turn up more than you’d believe anyway, but if you want to take the easy road to land ownership follow this link to get free land in one or more of any of the fifty states. And yes, it really is free!

On a side note, The Yellow Press has it’s base of operations in the town of Freeland, Washington, which began as a little utopia on Whidbey Island just north of Seattle. Land was given away to like minded settlers who wanted to form a kinder, gentler community. The town now serves as the industrial/commercial center of the south end of the island. Don’t come here, it rains all the time.