Broccoli Cures Schizophrenia

This just in, eat your broccoli if you don’t want to go crazy.  The story shows that a healthy diet straightens out the brain and keeps you from seeing things or acting like two different people like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. And it doesn’t matter if you like it cooked or dip it raw. Your mother was right, eat your broccoli!

Unless George was right and broccoli bites. He didn’t like the stuff, Thought it vile. Gagged on each chew, it was green after all, worse than eating leaves. For him it was steak and taters. Maybe some pasta with marinara if there was some ground up moo in it, but a bright green tree, not on your sweet wife.

Now the herbivore will respond that the vegan lifestyle is far healthier. The hippo is a vegan, does it look healthy? Hippos kill more people each year than the king of beasts does in a decade. Hippos are born with sharp teeth, just like a cute little puppy. Their teeth become flat-topped columns from grinding down the bones of their victims, which are large, very large amnimals. Africa is home to some of the largest amnimals on earth. Why do they say a hippo is a herbivore? No one has ever seen them eating anything but plants. It’s their clever ruse. They are nocturnal. All day they linger in the water munching cattail fronds, looking cutesy and innocent. Truth is the fronds are their parsley. They murder at night. And underwater, in turbid, muddied obscurity their grisly grinding deeds are done. Then, the next day, they float their happy smiling faces into sunlight and munch a little parsley looking as innocent as a pink party balloon.

Broccoli as a cure for schizophrenia my asterisk. Who knows what those hairless herbivores are really up to under the surface.