Sterling Not Racist, Has Manners

Donald Sterling, elderly owner of the L.A. Clippers who is currently embroiled in a scandal that implicates him as a flagrant racist feels that he has been unfairly judged. “The media has tried and convicted me of what is not even a crime in this country without even asking for an explanation.”  Sterling was apparently recorded in an argument with his way hot and much younger girlfriend in which he requested she cease associating with the hoi polloi. He was upset at her befriending the members of his team and those in their circles.  “As my betters taught me many years ago not to mingle with the help and to lock the doors when driving through bad neighborhoods, I just felt it was good manners to nip that in the bud. We are judged by the company we keep and I’d hate to be thought of as an exceptional athlete at my advanced age. Just because we can hire these people doesn’t mean we are on their level.”

The comments have caused a stir in professional sports, where many of all races find a venue in which they can excel and it has been suggested he be forced to sell his team as punishment for his comments. Many players in the league have been vocal about his ownership while people outside of the sport have requested a more tolerant approach, some even offering to provide him with clean white bedsheets should he suffer such financial straits as to need them.