Scratch Yer Itch Jennifer

Jennifer Lawrence, fer the love o’ Pete can’t a girl scratch her itch? Baseball and football players do, and right out in public.  Why would the fairer sex need any less fulfillment? Big news is she, Jennifer L., famous unassuming actress, master archer and advocate for humane treatment of the defenseless polenta, is in hot water, meaning some Hawaiians want to toss her in a volcano, because she had an itch and scratched it on a rock. Not just any rock but a sacred rock. Now I’d be a holy rock too if Jennifer Lawrence….

Thing is if we keep calling out innocent celebrities for harmless fun, and hound them till they feel as persecuted as Willie Nelson or The Dixie Chicks then no one will want to be a celebrity and they will become scarce and we’ll have to resort to using the b and c list celebrities, like The Donald, for all sorts of things they were never intended to be used for. Leave the poor girl alone man. She didn’t mean anything by it.

Speaking about leaving things alone isn’t it about time we stopped consecrating everything in sight? We’re gonna run short of places we can befoul. Stop climbing on Ayers rock, leave Bears Ears alone, don’t be putting no pipeline here and don’t step there, it’s a grave. Good lord man, the whole world is sacred, and a grave, or will soon be.