Trump Plans For Friday 13th

Rumor coming from the White House indicates that President Trump, a very suspicious man, has plans to make this months Friday the 13th a very unlucky day for several of his considered adversaries. The news has surfaced that by using the date, and other months with the same similar coincidence to implement executive orders he hopes to capitalize on the days significance.

Plans for this and future Friday the 13ths include:

• Execution of a cyber-warfare attack on North Korea that will target the countries wholesale and retail retail vendors. Because the affluent of the nation, mostly Kim Jung Un’s inner circle and the military, are the primary users of the nations retail infrastructure the soft target attack will have a more substantial effect on the ruling party and its adherents than it’s average citizen.
• An FCC investigation into revoking NBC’s broadcasting license for misrepresentation of the facts through its news division.
• A possible executive order considering disrespect of the US flag as  treason.
• Conferring statehood on the territory of Puerto Rico. Statehood would remove the restrictions limiting growth in the island territory and eliminate its substantial debt.
• Prosecution of all entities, public and private that are non compliant with the president’s immigration policies. This prosecution would be limited to criminal penalties for the individuals failing to enforce federal policy.
• Reintroduction of the fish on Friday menu at the White House. The president has always liked things fishy.