Crows Outsmart Humans—And May Already Be Spiritually Enlightened
In a bombshell new study that’s ruffling feathers in the scientific community, researchers have found that crows may not only be more intelligent than humans—but also more spiritually advanced.
The report, published by the International Ornitho-Consciousness Institute (IOCI), suggests that crows demonstrate problem-solving skills, memory recall, social reasoning, and even moral decision-making that surpass typical human behavior on Twitter.
“They mourn their dead, hold ‘court’ for social disputes, and have never started a world war,” says Dr. Lana Mirek, lead avian cognition expert and part-time Zen monk. “That’s more than I can say for most humans I know.”
The study tracked a murder (that’s a group, not a crime) of crows across suburban Japan. Using puzzles, mirror tests, and recorded crow dialects, scientists found the birds not only passed classic intelligence tests but rejected violent solutions in favor of communal harmony and gift exchange rituals.
One experiment placed food inside a locked puzzle box. While humans fumbled with the mechanism for an average of 5.2 minutes (many gave up entirely), crows consistently opened the box in under 45 seconds—using tools they crafted from paper clips, feathers, and once, disturbingly, a lost AirPod.
“They’re like little monks with wings and beaks,” Mirek says. “They don’t just think—they contemplate.”
Spiritual superiority, the report argues, is evident in their death rituals. Crows gather in somber silence, circling fallen flockmates, and leave symbolic objects—twigs, leaves, even shiny bits of glass—around the body. Meanwhile, humans scroll past GoFundMe funeral links like they’re spam.
Interestingly, some researchers speculate that crows may have evolved beyond ego entirely. “You’ll never see a crow record a TikTok in a grocery store yelling about raw milk,” said Dr. Xavier Lux, a philosopher-ornithologist. “They understand presence. Stillness. The eternal now.”
As for language, crows use over 250 distinct vocalizations, including mimicked dog barks and even emergency sirens. Some scientists believe they are attempting to communicate with humans but are frustrated by our low-frequency cognition and incessant podcasting.
Critics have dismissed the findings as “anthropomorphic nonsense,” but IOCI remains convinced.
“The real question,” says Mirek, “is not whether crows are more evolved than us—it’s whether they pity us or just find us amusing.”
The IOCI plans to expand their research to include ravens, magpies, and “possibly dolphins, if they can stop chattering long enough to participate.”
So next time you see a crow staring at you from a power line, ask yourself: Who’s really watching whom?