Kids More Worthless Than Ever

Kids today are more worthless with every passing generation. News from the scientific community proves it once more with the revelation that praising your children makes them ego-centric narcissists. It’s about time science started telling us something we didn’t already know instead of devoting itself to the study of stuff any fool can tell you, like that the weather is getting wilder and just saying it ain’t happening doesn’t stop it. But that today’s’ children don’t measure up when compared to our fathers and forefathers, well that’s just like saying that waffles are tastier with syrup.

Kids of this time are measly little, fourth tier, ersatz copies of what they were just a few short generations back. They all have weak little arms and legs for appendages, engineered barely strong enough to hold their Game boys and Nintendos  high enough for their squinty little short sighted eyes to make out the motions of Ms. Pacman and her pursuers.  They may be superior at programming the new HD TV but their tiny little cerebral cortexes are insufficient to determine the difference between a slot, allen, Roberts, and Torx. And the physical shape they are in, I’d just like to see one of them hoist a bale of hay, even if they could decipher  what hoist meant. In my day hoisting a bale of hay was as simple as the uphill to school and back walk we did rain shine or sideways sleet. Look at a photo of a group of recruits entering the army at the onset of WWII and one sees one hardy, large individual, several muscular mesomorphs and a selection of tough sinewy sorts well capable of keeping the Germans, Japanese and Italians from deviating from a reasonable course of action. Look at today’s selection of recruits and you see a powder-puff motley of pasty endomorphs better suited for hi-jinks at a furries convention than even policing troublemakers as negligible as Kim Jung Un.

Genetically and rationally it’s a simple equation, praise your kid, he thinks he’s special, drive the runt to school, his legs atrophy, let him watch TV and play video games, he can’t eat without stabbing out his eye with a spoon. And the answer is just as simple, put them to worthwhile tasks ASAP. Let them change the oil in the car, or better yet the transmission. And then don’t congratulate her for the job she did but berate her soundly for not putting the tools back in order or getting a spot of grease on the garage floor. Seven years old is not too soon to learn how to use a socket bar. We don’t want to raise any vapid valley girls that spend more time on choosing sandals than taking care of their motor vehicles. Coddling our children has created the little heathens we have populating our  shopping malls, impeding the exercise routines of our erstwhile geriatrics who are there to pace off their quarter mile and have a discount cup of coffee.