Melania Launches OnlyFans Page

Apparently finances have become so constrained in the former president’s household that his family has had to take some initiative and generate their own income. The burden of legal expenses, jet travel, greens fees, mouthwash, (always significant), and his running tab at McDonalds, (always paid promptly), has led to members of the once government head’s family having to scramble to make ends meet. (Baron is detailing golf carts.) Parsimonious to a fault, his outlays to his spouse Melania have become so meager that she has needed to seek other sources of income, (Remember the NFT of her eyes?) and so she has launched an OnlyFans page. Branded Yours, Melania, the page contains several articles on beauty tips, style, interior decorating, suggestions on how to land a wealthy husband, (hint, primer, paint and polish!), and a portfolio of photos showing the former first lady in several decorous settings, including one of her exiting a limousine. None of the photos include nudity, a usual feature of the popular website. According to sources close to her she will be posting regularly, commenting on the events taking place in her own life, (She’s wild about knitting.) and communicating with website visitors and answering their questions. She has received a number of requests already and has declined one visitors suggestion that she pose in a pair of Daisy Dukes and a red bandana halter.